10 Universal Truths (about wearing red lipstick)

There are some things that red-lipstick-wearers know to be true:


  1. The search for that perfect shade is a Grail Quest that will last a lifetime.
    And as soon as you find it, they’ll discontinue it. In the meantime, you just walk around the drug store like this:
  2. Technique. It’s a killer.
    IMG_5979 Ok, so first foundation, then powder, lip liner, stain, and finally lipstick? But not from the tube. Has to be applied with a brush. Wait, was the powder supposed to come before your first application, or after? And then blott? I don’t even know anymore.

  3. Perfection is the only acceptable paradigm.
    Nothing has the potential to look messier than red lip color.

  4. Whiten those pearly whites.
    Red lipstick does not make your teeth look whiter. Every minute stain left from coffee, tea, or your long-gone smoking habit will be heinously highlighted. You have been warned.

  5. Every water bottle you own is gonna look like this:
    IMG_5452No matter how many times goes through the dishwasher or soaks in the sink.

  6. Contouring.
    IMG_5980What is this witchcraft?!

  7. One is never enough.
    sephora I have an entire make-up bag of red lipstick, lip liners, and stains. And I’m not sorry.

  8. Friends, family, and lovers BEWARE.
    My kiss is deadly! Uh, well, I mean, not deadly, but definitely long-lasting.
  9. And your average make-up remover? HA!
    IMG_4985Try a sand-blaster, my friend. That shit is never coming all the way off. Doubly true if you touch or wipe your mouth by accident. “Oh this? Yeah, I’m just not responsible enough to wear lipstick without getting it all over myself.”

  10. In the end, it’s all worth it to apply that liquid confidence and strut your stuff.
    Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 9.41.15 AM No matter if your battle armor is applied out of a tube — you rock that mutha-f*cka.

    Ohhh yeeeah.

In memorial

Dear Scott,


You do not belong to me. Your loss has loss has touched everyone that knew you, and has devastated those who loved you best. We were friends, and we were close once, but your loss does not belong to me.

Still, I have been thinking of you, enumerating the things I wish I had done differently, and missing you.

I am so sorry. I could have been a better friend to you. I could have tried harder, called more often, showed you that I cared. I should not have allowed shame, misplaced loyalty, or time to drive a wedge between us.

I hope these words can somehow reach you across the void. I hope that you are at peace and no longer in pain. I hope that heaven is one long drift in a fast car, and that you live on with a smile on your face.

With love,

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