After Crash

So, I was in a car wreck yesterday.

My vehicle is not supposed to be sneering at you.
My vehicle is not supposed to be sneering at you.

I was the middle car in a three car pile-up, otherwise known as “the poor bastard whose car gets pancaked.” I’m all right, just a little scratched up, but my mental health is definitely in question. Yesterday was all anxiety and mania and hysterical crying, while today feels like an out-of-body experience. Is this really happening?

While I am grateful that the accident wasn’t worse and while I know this is just one of those things that happens, I can’t shake it off. I can’t concentrate. I can’t move. Everything I do feels like moving through molasses. Is this post traumatic stress, or is this the bipolar? My mind keeps telling me that this was so minor an accident, to continue to think on it or be effected by it is nonsense. But I still feel scared and out of control. Jumpy, like a rabbit that know it’s being hunted. I know it’s all an affectation, a side-effect of my wonky brain chemistry, but my treacherous mind continues to insist I’m in danger.

Tell me, when does this ride end? I want off.

4 thoughts on “After Crash”

  1. I understand this. It may not seem helpful and even yucky, but I think allow yourself to acknowledge and express that, it might make it easier to process. I could be full of shit too. All the could-haves kind of come up. Sending you lots of love and light.

  2. I understand where you are at. i’ve when in wrecks, too. They are not fun. I would like to ask a question; what self care are you doing for yourself today? it is easy at times like this to let self care slip away. it is also the most important time to re-double your efforts.

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